...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
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This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
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Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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