So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
