I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
