NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
