Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize