and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Randomize
