Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
