If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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