the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
