Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
