Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
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