If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I think people are normalizing furries
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize