lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
She bit a glass in half.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
do nipples grow back?
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
