drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
