we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
