Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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