and you said cock pushups were impossible
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
