Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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