Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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