I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
