I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
