hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
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