singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
