My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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