Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
