Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize