Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize