This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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