Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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