please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
It's just like the Real World with babies
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Randomize
