omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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