Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
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