Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Randomize
