U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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