We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Randomize
