i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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