I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
