She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
