I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize