How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
