One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
