i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
