its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
