Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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