somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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