When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
