We're like a lot better than the average bears
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
