I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
