What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
