dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
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