So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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