I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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