i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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