blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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